everybody business is nobody business

Smile when somebody hurt you

2012-01-16T17:35:00.000-08:00

Yesterday i find out that women in my office jelous about my salary. For them,my salary to high for beinner. Yes im agree its a good salary for beginner, but not higher than them. I know theres issue that our percentage of incentive will change. And i know that my salary will bigger. And they cant accept it becuse they think they already work for many years(3,6,and 10 years) and me who just work for less than 1 year got that big salary. Laugh out loud! Well,its about lucky madam. But i dont think its unfair at all. My work load is much as old accountant,so why i should got lower salary? Well,i got moral of the story. If you work only for money,than god will show you that life isnt always about money. And even you got much money,you never feel grateful. They never have piece on their mind. And its punisment for those who keep jelous for what others got. Thats why they keep in nissan for long years,and still stuck on their position. Because like other jelous person,god never let them to be a big person.
On my side,i just dont care with them. They can keep jelous,said bad thing about me,or even do bad thing to me,and ill keep quiet. I still nice to them,because i dont want to be same with them. Im a muslim,and ill do what muslim should do. Forgiving.

Keep talking about me,u just make me more famous

2012-01-08T22:59:00.000-08:00

Yesterday mr.hab told me and frans that many emPloyee comPlaint about us. That we were to noise when we together,that we were act like we were still on college. I dont understand what is exactly we have done,until they can take conclution like that. I asked tO mr hab who was complaint about us. I guess it must be mikes. Mr hab said everybody complain: mikes,yeni,lia,yuni.ok,i agree that we were noisy,but i think that old women are noisy too. Everyday mikes gossip by phone,in a loud voice and everyday yeni yelling. And that even louder than us. I said to mr hab,that he should talk to them about their behaviour too. Mr hab answer that i and frans are new in the office,and we should remember that mikes and yeni are adjutant of our director. Even head Office can kick out if the director unhappy. Such a coward! So,mr hab just follow to the strongest position,however unfair it sound. He doesnt has any Princip and always want to safe. I know he doesnt has any bad intention to us but i cant agree with him. If he think like that,so that old women can do whatever they want. Oh come on,director isnt god,right? Ok,im agree as long as they complain realistic. But if not,ill ignore it. So what if i kick out of the office. I dont have any kid to feed anyway. Well,me and frans make deal that we'll not talk loudly anything beside job thing on office hour. We agree to change about that,but i believe there will be another complaint about us. Its not our behaviour they complain about. That old ladies want us to be bent down to them,to follow whatever they said. Hah! Not in the milliOn years! So i can take conclution from this conversation,that i cant belive all women in the office. I decide to take distance from them. Ill only talk about job. Remember,sOmebody who gossip with you,will be gossip about you. Dont tell anything,dont hear anything

Face my fear part 1 (someday there will be part2)

2012-01-03T17:14:00.000-08:00

Today when u woke up in the morning, i have one decision on my head. I will bike, even if it kills me. My brother in law bought a new tall bycicle. Are every bycicle tall nowadays? At first i trIed to ride it,i didnt know how to put my butt on the seat, my foot cant stand in the ground, and the seat eat my pussy(yes,it hurt). But i promise myself that i will never give up to my fear. So today, i push myself to ride it. After i know the trick to climb on and to stop that bycicle, i feel liberate. My fear makes me think that ill fall and my pussy will hurt, but im not(of course, there ergonomic sign in the seat). I feel so good after fight my stupid thingking and now i can bike around my neighbourhood. I know its sound silly, but i already fight my fear. Next, i want to try bungee jumping at macau.

1st coffe of the year

2012-01-02T17:27:00.000-08:00

Its my 1st coffe of the year. As always,i'll be think when i enjoy my coffe. So,a question come up:"should i change myself because the year change?".i guess something new is always excite us. I still on my way to control my mind,so i dont want to overwhelming myself with goal. So i decide to write on lesson than i got on 2011:
1.dont let yourself lost in imagination and expectation.
If we let ourself,than we'll be hurt. Nothing on this abstract world you can control, beside your own mind.
2.always and always think before doing something.
I can lay on my bed whole day on holiday, but i should push myself to do important thing. Or i'll loose my chance. Think about future result,before doing something.
3.friendship takes time
I know frans since we were on college(4 years),but just lately i can say she's my closest friend.
4. Never ever join to bad gossip
I hate when somebody gossip about me so i try to keep my mouth close
5. Do everything mindfully and focusly
I know now that if i enjoy with my work,than i dont have to work at all.
6.try to accept everyone as the way they are
Sometimes. Somebody annoy me,but i know i annoy somebodyelse too. Nobodys perfect after all

2012 reaolution

2011-12-30T18:05:00.000-08:00

Sometime i ask myself,why we should pray 5times a day. Because pray is thing we must done as a muslim,and if we not,we'll got sin. I think its not the righ purpose to pray. Because if it the only reason for pray,than we'll pray without willingness. If we only think the sin, than god just become the object on our pray. I want to pray because i miss Allah,because i need Allah. But i'm not. I still learning to put this idea on my mind. Im afraid i forget the purpose of my life. i dont want to pray just because its the thing that muslim must be done. What should i do to make myself truly faithful? Could i just do a good thing,without thingking about revenge from my god? Maybe i should give time everyday to think with myself. To remind myself. Silence time to think. Thats why sufi have ritual to isolate themself from noise outside. To meet themself,to think. I think i can try to do that. I dont want to pray with wrong purpose anymore. I dont want to be a muslim,just because my parent are muslim. Its my 2012 resolution: to realise and feel Allah,which closer to me than my own pulse

Behind healty body there a strong mind

2011-12-28T17:33:00.000-08:00

Somedays ago i got fever. Sick people have weak mind. When i'm on my bed i think,how good it would be if darbi is here. I remember when i got chickenpox last year and he push me to drink awfull thing made from coconut plus egg,because he care. And i think that sweet. Laid on his shoulder,and feel loved. To be honest,i never miss him,since we broke up. So,i make conclution im not miss him,im only miss his attention. So,everybody need to be loved,right? But i dont want to be in relationship just because a man love me. I should love him back. So,yesterday i push myself to stand up,and buy medicine by myself. Today,i feel healtier and darbi just dissapear from my mind.

I dont need somebody to being nice with me, to being nice with somebody

2011-12-21T22:01:00.000-08:00

Lately,i decide to try to forget my crush feeling to a man. But an idea suddenly come to my head. I think,he shouldnt love me back. If i decide to toss all of my expectation,i shouldnt expect him to love me back. I shouldnt expect him to being nice with me. Its ok, if i the only one who fall in love. Theres nothing wrong with fall in love. I think i shouldnt try to forget him anymore. I just have to control my imagination and expectation. I allow myself to fall in love, but not to do stupid thing because of love. I hope nothing from him, and will not dissapoint when he act cold to me. Because i dont have any expectation that he should love me back or being nice.

should i?

2011-12-20T19:46:00.000-08:00

People are always try to reach something. to become a better person. including myself. i want to be more. it feels like what i have right now is only waiting phase for better future next. it looks like life is include of some waiting phase to be better. but we never better. its an human nature to never feel enough with things that they have. or it just an habbit? should i try to be better? is it wrong always try to be better? if i keep trying to be better,when i feel enough with myself? or could i try to be better and feel enough with myself on the same time? but, if we feel so adequate with ourself our life will only stuck without progress,right? seriously, SHOULD WE ALWAYS TRY TO ACHIEVE SOMETHING? I guess i just do. and let go all of the result. just do without any expectation. ill do my best, but i shouldnt have any expectation what i become next. would i becoming better or not,achieve something or not,it doesnt matter.from now, i try to toss all of my expectation. like a zen statement : "work itself,is a gift. just do it,and forget the result."

Not ready yet

2011-12-13T17:56:00.000-08:00

Things that i realise about my ex is they never fall in love with me. I never have short relationship. Its always 1 until 2 years. But they not in love with me,they in love to be in relationship. And i just the object in that relationship. They just cant stand to be alone. They need approval that they are loved. And,i hate the truth that i same with them. I like being with them because i like to get attention. To have somebody who care with me. Not because i like to be with him. It means im in relationship to get approval. To fullfill myself needy. I think im not ready for relationship right now. Until i love somebody for the way he is,not for what he did to me. Not for his attention. Not just because he being nice. I want to be with somebody who i feel comfortable,for imperfect in himself. I dont want to be in relationship jusr because human need a couple. So,as long as im not contentment with myself,im not gonna get into a relationship. Im not gonna put myself on fake love anymore

lets dream a little bit more

2011-12-12T05:08:00.000-08:00

So i fall in love with a man who already in serious relationship. i think maybe he likes me too. now i want to dream further. if he likes me as i like him, what would happen? maybe we'll have hidden relationship. what will i get? a man who can't stick on his commitment. maybe at the beginning i'll be happy. but it comes by hurting another woman feeling. maybe what ifeel for him is only lust,but my mind exagerrate
it by use those 'love' word. i realise that my dream already losting me far enough. because i never think seriously about his spouse until now. if somebody flirt with my boyfriend,what will i feel? i'll think that woman so egoist. So,i should do anything to forget this man. i should tought to myself. come on, i'm to young to stuck with somebody else man.

Lets talk about love

2011-12-06T17:43:00.000-08:00

So i fall in love with somebody. But i guess we just not mean to be together. I think maybe he care with me. But yesterday i realise that is not in romantic way,like i always imagine. Of course he isnt,because he already on relationship, since i know him. But i let my dream losting me. Why women are silly when they fall in love? I can do nothing about it. Yeah, he kind of perfect person in my mind,but the truth,i dont know much about him. Yes,we have some fun conversation. And thats enough.i should stop hurting myself,by thingking that i need more. Be grateful for this non-romantic relationship with him. Because its the only thing that i need.

You not lamp anyway

2011-12-04T18:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday i met my friends. She said that she has some conversation with my ex. She dont wanna told me what they talked about. But with my ex, im sure is not good one. Well, i shouldnt care what other people think about me. I dont have any obligation to prove that im good or whatever. So what, if she think that im mean, not loyal, cheap sort or whatever my ex told her. Thats not harm me at all. So i dont try to prove anything. People can say many bad thing anout me. So what? Even if somebody think that im useless, they dont have any power to down me as long as im not allow them. That why god give us brain. To make you different from lamp, which easy to turning on and off. I dont say anything to my friend. I let her think whatever she want about me. I know that you dont need to prove anything because if you are right your action will speak louder than word. Beside that it unecessary and exhausting.

Life is real and thats ok

2011-11-28T17:34:00.000-08:00

I'm on my way to learning being a person who doesn't need any approval. Is it human nature that we always need approval from everybodyelse? We need approval that we are fun, wisdom, cool,beauty,smart,rich,etc. we need approval because we think we not good enough. Lets think again,why we should look good?why looking good is important?i think its our unconsiously necesity. What wrong if try to achieve this approval needy? Our life will busy think how to imprest everybody. And we'll loose joy of life. There always beauty on every moment. However hard it look likes. Imam ghazali said "there will be no more precious moment than whats already happen.beacause allah very-very love us however we doesnt deserve it. So the only approval that we need is from our god. However we reach approval from everybody,we'll never feel enough. We'll become a begger if we keep trying to reach that. It just our imagination to think that we need approval from others.we dont

When u the only right person in d world

2011-11-27T21:56:00.000-08:00

Yesterday,one of my friend(call A)absent. So,the others two(call B and C)in the room talk about her.the funny thing is if B absent than C will gossip about B with A. And if everybody comes they will gossip together about somebody else.its not hard to know that if i absent,who they will talk about. I cant trust them all. Even CS like to gossip. It makes me think about gossip system.we like to gossip About somebodyelse because we think we better than the person we talked about. We judge. I remember there a statement " muslim is a mirror to another muslim. And buddha said," when world wrong,than i becoming wrong too".people hate somebody who have habbit as bad as themself. But we just not realise it or we dont want to accept it. Here for example: somebody who egoist wouldnt like to friend with another egoist person. To be honest i like gossiping too.
So the conclution is, when i think somebody doing a wrong thing, ill stop my judgement tought, look at myself, and fixed my own bad habbit.
For now ill try to not judge gossiper and shut my mouth eventough i have hot gossip

2011-11-26T17:13:00.001-08:00

2011-11-26T17:07:00.001-08:00

some times i think

2011-11-24T14:58:00.000-08:00

I decide to learn about my own imagination. Sometimes, i want to be a smart and succes career woman. It makes me realise that i think i'm not success enough. but why should i? because many people,film,and book said so. what about myself? i never think seriously about success, i never imagine to have lot of money,etc. i flow with my life. i go to college because that the thing i should do., got a job because i have to. and i never complaint and enjoy for every moment. many-many book said to doing what your love or being an enterpreneur, but i think it just their way to make the book selled. am i cynical? well i dont know what i really love but i enjoy with my current job. maybe someday i'll become an enterpreneur. but i dont want to make goal anymore.

In zen, we try not to judge about everythhing. so i wouldnt judge myself as success or not. what really should do is do the best for things that i think right. and is not always follow by busy,money,or smart looking. doing focusly everything in mylife however unimportant it look like. and whatever comes for my effort is great. there no success or failure. just being happy for what i have.

baru percobaan

2011-05-02T01:14:00.000-07:00

So, after 2011 i made a blog. If u really want to know why, well because i'm in my new office,n dont have any job to do now. So, i choose to train my english by write this blog. happy blog for me!